I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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