2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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