Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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