i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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