I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
