long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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