Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
