According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
