Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
