Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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