I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize