I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
