Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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