We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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