I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize