I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
