Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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