We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
