If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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