I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
