There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
