The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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