any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
PANTIES FOUND
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