i think my tv is drunk
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
