who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
