mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
