I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
