11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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