my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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