He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
