She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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