Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
