woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize