So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
