He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
