Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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