Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
