pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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