Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
