i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
