just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
