I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
