no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
