Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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