Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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