i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
