dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
