Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
