Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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