You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
