The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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