cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
