Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
