I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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