Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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