Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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