Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize