When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
