the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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