Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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