it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
