You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
