He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Randomize
