My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
