Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
