is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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