Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
