what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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