I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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