i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
