i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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