god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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