She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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