so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
