Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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