Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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