thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm really busy with my period
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